


the lie in which you linger

by diminishedmercury



Series: Mercury One Shots [6]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied abuse, Just slightly, a continued exploration of blake and merc's relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 19:58:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17925353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diminishedmercury/pseuds/diminishedmercury
Summary: Before Mercury there was only Adam and pain. Before Mercury, there was Ilia who never stopped to ask if she was okay. She loves her friends, but the things that Mercury did for her were more than she could ever repay him for.





	the lie in which you linger

She didn't like fighting Mercury. That much, she thinks that even Yang could agree with her on. But she wasn’t certain on how she could voice these feelings. She wasn’t even certain that she could _tell_ any of her friends about Mercury. They wouldn’t believe her, or they’d say she was crazy, or they’d tell her to get over it, or- well. They wouldn’t be wrong if they told her that she should just get over it. But how could she forget? Before Mercury there was only Adam and pain. Before Mercury, there was Ilia who never stopped to ask if she was okay. She loves her friends, but the things that Mercury did for her were more than she could ever repay him for.

It’s crazy, she knows that, to be grateful to somebody like him, but how could you condemn the first friend you’d had after your life turned into a nightmare? She doesn’t know. She’s tried to pretend she doesn’t know him. Tried to pretend that there was nothing tying her to him. It doesn’t work how she thinks it will. It hurts more than it should. _She’s_ the one that decided to ignore him, so why does it feel so cold when he looks at her? Why does it feel like she can’t breathe when she refuses to reach out and take hold of his hand? Why does it feel like she’s going to fall through a hole in the floor when he chooses to ignore her too? Everything hurts, hurts, hurts, and she can’t find a balance between saving the world, doing good, and hating him.

She stays up late on more nights than she would like to admit. She thinks about lonely nights shared watching the stars out in the cold. She thinks about warm nights bundled in the same sleeping bag. She thinks about the ghost of lips on the back of her neck. Yang catches her on a few of these nights, but she never asks about what she’s doing. Blake doesn’t think she would have an answer for that even if she did. ‘The boy who put you in jail? I still care about him and I knew about him and I lied about it, I’m so sorry.’ It sounds shoddy at best even in her head.

She thinks about him more when they’re on the farm. Her eyes droop heavy and all she can think about is how _safe_ she used to feel wrapped up in his arms. It’s so wrong, but it still brings comfort to her.

It’s Weiss that asks her if she’s alright, and she doesn’t know what to say. “Not really,” sounds too trivial. “I’m okay,” is a lie she doesn’t want to speak. She settles for a simple “I don’t know how to talk about it,” and Weiss gets a look in her eyes as if she understands. They share a blanket that night and it feels almost like cold nights spent in tents with gunmetal eyes watching for danger.

When they make it to Argus, she can’t help but to think that Mercury wouldn’t have liked it here. It’s too cold. He had always hated the cold. She spends more time by herself. She doesn’t know how to make up with her teammates and she’s left in solitude more often than not. Sometimes, Ruby will sit with her on the back porch with Maria and they will simply exist with one another. It’s comforting, and again, she’s forced to think of nights on grassy hilltops and starry skies with a promise of safety in their sanctuary. “You know… you can talk to us, Blake.” She hears Ruby say one night. Maria has already gone in for the night.

“I-“ She almost refuses on instinct, but that won’t help the poor state of her relationships with her friends. “I’ve… kept a lie.” A lie she’s lingered in for too long to protect someone she shouldn’t protect. Her small leader looks confused. She looks hurt. “When I was in the White Fang, Cinder came to Adam. I never met her or Emerald. Only glances of their backs.”

“So you… knew about her?”

“ _Of_ her. I knew of her, yes. That’s not what I’ve been lying about.” She sighs. She doesn’t know how to say it. Doesn’t want to admit that maybe some part of her had been _in love_ with Mercury Black. Maybe still is. “But Mercury? I knew him. He was the only one at that place that understood what was happening to me and I just- I just needed a _friend._ ” A look of understanding passed over Ruby’s face for a split second, and then, acceptance. “Adam would hit me or yell at me and Mercury… He wouldn’t stop it, but he would comfort me. I don’t know why, he’s not really the type to care about people. He never acted that way with anyone else he worked with. Not that I saw.”

A hand touches hers.

“I- I didn’t say anything because he was apart of a past I didn’t want to even remember. And he had been so good to me, but- I don’t,” She’s struggling for words now. She doesn’t know how to say that ‘I knew he was using me, but I didn’t care’ aloud without sounding like the desperate battered girlfriend she’d been back then. It made her sound so _weak_ and _fragile._ She didn’t want to feel that way every again in her life. She grips Ruby’s hand a little harder. “He’s not a good person, but he was a good person to me when I needed it. Ruby… I don’t think I can fight him.” Her ears tuck back against her skull at the admission. She’s never said it aloud before now.

Ruby doesn’t say anything, and how could she expect her to, but she does wrap her arms around her and pull her down to rest her head on a small shoulder. It’s comforting, like a hug should be. “Do you think there’s good in him?” Ruby asks after a moment spent in silence.

“… Yes.” Somewhere in this deep lie that they linger in, there is good inside of all of them.

“I believe you.” It’s all she needs to hear. “He’ll listen, then.” Listen to what, she wasn’t sure, but she could only hope that she didn’t see him again (but she wants so badly, and she yearns so deeply, that she’s not sure it’s possible to go a life without seeing gunmetal grey one last time). "He'll listen." She believes in Ruby's words when they see the Atlas border roll into view.

 


End file.
